My Sister doesn’t believe me that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Unlike other people, she has seen how quick my emotions can be. Unlike my other siblings I’m not married and don’t have any children. I never even had a serious relationship. I can be a life of a party one minute then closed off and quite the next. I keep one childhood toy with me wherever I travel or move. I’m a risk taker who’s never really happy with fluctuating weight and ever changing dreams. I quit three universities with three different majors. I have no relationship with our father and a loving but often complicated relationship with our mom. I’m very smart, musically and artistically talented (unlike her). And non of those signed convince her.
She doesn’t know I self harm nor that I attempted suicide three times in my life. She doesn’t know I think about death everyday. She does’t know I feel deep and overwhelming hate towards myself. She doesn’t know so many things I feel because every time I try to open up she becomes defensive and condescending.
I used to swallow whatever feelings I had. I used to hide my hurt whenever someone said something hurtful to me. In my attempt to become more emotionally balanced I tried to change that with her. Today for example, I pointed out that her comment hurt me. And instead of her saying that maybe she didn’t mean like that she became defensive with her standard line: “this is who I am and this is how I talk”. How am I suppose to feel now?
It hurts a hundred times more when my feelings are being labeled as WRONG. I have a right, just like everyone else, to feel however I want to feel, even when it seems weird to others. I don’t want her to tip toe around me but when I say that something hurt me or makes me feel bad, I would expect a gram of compassion or understanding. But instead I get a standard line: “Don’t take everything so seriously”.
I honestly don’t know how to talk to her to help her understand me. I know that in this situation she looks like a cold hearthed bitch but she’s not. She is a very good person, a great mom, and was a great big sister when we were kids. She just refuses to believe me and refuses to change her approach.
SHOULD I JUST GIVE UP ON OUR RELATIONSHIP AND GO BACK TO HIDING MY EMOTIONS?
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