I am an introvert Borderline. Yes, it's possible and no we're not an urban myth. Some might think that it's impossible have Borderline Personality Disorder and introvert personality. But I am a living proof.
People who know about my condition openly admit that they forget that I am not "normal". Even if they say or do something which causes me to explode, they'll never see it. And it's not their fault because I'll never, or rarely, show it. This, I believe, is one of the main reason why my diagnosis too so long. I'm not the classic standing with the knife to my wrist screaming "if you leave i'll kill myself". No, that's definitely not my style. But I just might be holding that knife to my wrist after they leave and never come back. Sometimes my abandonment symptoms are even more subtle than that. I might feel lifeless, blue, and without any inspiration. For a week!
I still experiences violently intense emotions sometimes daily, less if I'm lucky or distracted. But I don't want to show it. I hold it inside. All those emotions are eating me from the inside leaving me hollow, enable to feel happiness or connection to people.
The question remains, was I an introvert Borderline from the beginning or did letting emotions out lead to unpleasant consequences, causing me to hide deeper, and deeper, and deeper inside myself?
Comentários