I feel anxious again. It subtle. Very subtle. My foot is tapping. My fingers are tapping. My whole mind is tapping. Tapping... Tapping... Tapping around the comforting idea of gin and massive amounts of chocolate. I know that all it takes it a sugar rush with a drink or two in my system and I'll be free. I want to be free of this tapping. But sugar and alcohol are just escapes not solutions to cause of anxiety.
I have no money to pay this month's bills. I'm already living on shoe string budget, only spending on food and bills and now I can't even do that. Spending money on chocolate and gin is the most counterproductive thing I could do. But it will produce happy brain chemicals and my brain wants it.
The lack of money makes me feel so powerless, so insecure. I feel so small. So small. And I hate it.
Tears gather in my eyes and then disappear. My mind keeps tapping around counterproductive pleasure producing ideas. I keep looking for distractions. But non come to my tapping mind. This subtle anxiety is crippling. Again.
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