I reluctantly admitted to myself and my psychiatrist - I have more bad days than good. It's harder to show up for work without a drink in my system and one more in my bag. I can't fall asleep and when I do - I don't want to wake up. I knew I was heading in that direction for months now. Since I will have to wait for good few weeks before I can start my specialist therapy, I really needed something to help me cope with this darkness in my head. It's day four on Prozac and I'm already waking up more vibrant. I know the full effects won't be felt for another couple of weeks but I can't wait to feel better. I know where this darkness and inaction leads. I don't want to go there. For now, I'm still a little lost, still without a plan, still failing in my life. I hope this little drug cocktail will give me some clarity and motivation to act and not avoid my problems. Although that might be setting my goal a little too high. I have always avoided my problems - seems a lot easier even though I know it's really not. Fingers crossed for Prozac dreams.
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