Over the past two year I had relatively stress free existence. I had not much to worry about but also nothing exciting ever happened. Moving back to my favorite city fills my days with endless possibilities. I get to meet new people, learn their story, discover something new. I am very introvert but I have an outgoing personality. I decided to use it to the full extend. So I make an effort to chat to people, learn about them, ask lots of questions because I have genuine interest. But what I find is that people find me scary and intimidating. And that makes me really sad.
If I sit in my room and close myself off - nothing will ever happen. If I show interest in others they think I'm intimidating. Honestly, I just can't win when it comes to people. The smile is gone from my face. I feel lonely and empty despite my best efforts to be happy and open to the all the world and everything it has to offer. I met lots if interesting people but two really stand out. A young woman whose voice was filled with anxiety yet I found something very interesting about her. The other one is a guy who sets my heart on fire. It sound crazy but the chemistry we have is amazing but it's also complicated. He also finds me a little intimidating. I love looking into his eyes. It's exciting, exhilarating, and absolutely terrifying.
I'm grateful for the distraction he provides. I don't think about missing the companionship of my dog and missing going on bike rides with her. I don't think about what would happen if I don't find a job soon. I don't think about how much people who love me want me to succeed and want me to be happy. I think about him. His beautiful eyes, his sweet smile, and how much I can't wait to see him again. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a really, really long time. He's mesmerizing in shy understated way. And I want to know more...
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