How to Deal with BPD Outbursts

This can be the most difficult part of having someone with Borderline Personality Disorder in your life. Not all of us have such intense outburst of anger, violence or emotions in from of other people. I can recall maybe 5 examples  from my life. But some borderlines can have daily child-like tantrums. Here is few things you need to know:

1. IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT IS AN ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR.

2. THEY WILL MOST LIKELY FEEL GUILD, SHAME, AND SELF LOATH AFTERWORDS, SO TRY NOT TO ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE.

If you know that your loved one has Borderline Personality Disorder, you’re ahead of the game. But whether you have diagnosis or just your suspicions, this techniques can be very helpful.

Getting into a screaming fight will not solve anything or help anyone. So do everything to avoid getting entangled into a emotional blame tennis style game, regardless of what the Borderline is saying. It can be so incredibly difficult so be patient with yourself. Try this:

1.WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE RISING AND YOU START TO GET UPSET, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND DIRECT ALL YOUR ENERGY TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. (TRY TO REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOUR BRAIN IS HEALTHY AND BALANCE, AND YOU CAN DO THIS. THE OTHER PERSON CAN’T.)

2. ASK YOURSELF “WHAT’S THIS REALLY ABOUT?” DO YOUR BEST TO LOOK AT THE SITUATION FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE EVEN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT OR DON’T AGREE WITH IT.

3.  ANALYSE THE SITUATION TO RECOGNIZE WHAT CAN YOU DO OR SAY TO HELP THE BORDERLINE RETURN TO THE STATE OF CALM CONVERSATION. SOMETIMES NOT SAYING OR DOING ANYTHING CAN BE JUST AS HELPFUL. EVERY PERSON, EVEN BORDERLINE, IS DIFFERENT AND SO IS EVERY RELATIONSHIP.

You will most likely not get through to the Borderline during such intense outburst regardless of how rational your argument may be. It’s better to talk to them some time after, maybe that evening. Find the time and space when the Borderline is calm and in talking mood (usually happy or just balanced). Studies show that in the late evening people are more likely to open up and have an honest conversation.

The setting is just as important as the words you speak, or the tone of your voice. Keep the conversation short, just enough to voice your concerns in a caring way and leave the time for listening. It may also be a good idea to ask the Borderline how you can help them next time?

This can be a very traumatic event for all parties involved. Remember to protect yourself and let go of any negative emotions. It takes a lot of practice and time to get this right, so be patience with yourself and with your Borderline loved one.