My sister says she prefers honesty over any kind of sugar coated lie. Always. However when I enter into an honest conversation and my eyes tear up, she gets upset.
"You wanted honesty" - I say. "and this is my honest reaction what you just said. It was hurtful to me. You hurt my feelings."
"Why are you so sensitive?" - she asked annoyed with my tears.
"So the problem is my emotional reaction and not what cause it?" - I asked.
She couldn't answer. The person who just few minutes ago said to me, that people are different couldn't understand how a comment could be perceived differently by someone else. This is a conversation I had with her three time. She says something hurtful, I point it out and then she blames me and my emotions. Seriously?!?
I find it utterly confusing. People say they want honestly but they really don't, and I don't usually give it. I learned to control and hold my emotions long time ago, probably because of the negative feedback i received as child. But since this is my sister who claims to want honesty and closeness, I have tried very hard to give it and to help her understand how I feel. But all I got was criticism and judgement.
I asked her never to speak about me again. We can talk about the weather and whats for dinner. And we're fine. But she will never understand my emotions. Maybe she can't, maybe she doesn't care to.
I know it can be very difficult talking to Borderlines, never knowing what will set them off. But you can say absolutely EVERYTHING if you approach it the right way. I never expected anyone to tip toe around my emotions, but when I point out that something hurt - I expect someone to care and not to play the blame game. I want them to explain - perhaps i misunderstood. I want them to say that they didn't mean to hurt me. I want to say I'm sorry. Anything but criticize my feelings. Criticizing anyone's feelings, Borderline or not, doesn't do anyone any good.
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