It's hard for people without a personality disorder to understand why I feel so much all the time. And I can't really blame them. Oblivion really is bliss. I can't afford such luxury. Life has been very hard to me lately and I know I'm the only one responsible for most of its disastrous effects. I quit my job as a bartender/waitress. The prospect of the unknown and the lack of survival money is terrifying. I needed to do it. I got sick every two weeks. Everything I could catch I did catch: colds, sore throat, food poisoning. Not to mention the days when I called in sick or left early because I was suffering so much emotionally I simply couldn't take it. Sunday will be my last day. After that I really don't know what will happen. I know I'm too sick right now to work anywhere else. My depression is getting worse and my BPD is sabotaging most of my days. I have no one to provide for me and that scares me. What will happen to me? If I could just get couple of months of financial support to gather my strength while my new meds kick in and I start specialized therapy. I"m not sure what will happen to me if I don't get some help from the government. Fingers crossed this is not the end.
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