Borderline Personality Disorder and Loneliness

I like being alone 90% of the time. I feel comfortable and relaxed knowing that no one will influence my mood and state of mind. After all, any little thing can set me off. The flip side is that no one can influence me in the positive way either. And when the negative emotions take hold, nothing can save me.

I believe that isolation and loneliness can be deadly to Borderline. I found out on my own skin. I went from living alone to being constantly surrounded by people. The adjustment wasn't easy, to say the least. But if I left during the turbulent transition, I would have severed all ties, like I usually do. But these aren't just any people. They are my family: mom, sister, nieces and nephews, etc. Loosing those, however fragile connections, would have been devastating. And I wanted to leave, I wanted to leave so bad. But I stayed.

I stayed because I had no choice, or rather the alternative of sleeping on the street terrified me too much. I stayed, and now I'm happier. Still, I worry and fear the future, often feel lonely and hopeless, but these days I'm quicker with a smile. So I let it be my little step toward Lovely not Lonely life.