Borderline Mood Swing Theory

If you have borderline personality disorder, you know how little it takes sometimes, well almost all the time, to change your mood from perfectly fine to a total disaster, suicidal drama, and self hate overload. One innocent little comment like "can you clean up your crumbs from the table' or "your dog just jumped into my car with dirty paws". Even when it's delivered with calm and soft voice, I often felt as if someone fired a shot gun at my chest, and the nightmare began all over. It takes all I've got not to burst into tears like some stupid teenage drama queen. 

So I wonder why am I do touchy? Why does it take so little to break me inside and ruin a perfectly fine day? 

We borderlines feel everything with extreme and unhealthy emotional intensity. And we attach those emotions to people, place, situations with a cement glue. We are also smart, with great memory and have the ability to connect things unlike anyone else. Combine all that, and that one little innocent comment becomes hundreds comments that happened at some point in our lives. Hundreds of comments that made us feel bad one at time. Just imagine all of the screaming at the same time, feeling it all at the same time, confirming  every negative thought we ever had about ourselves at the same time. It takes the breath out of my lungs and it hurts... 

There is a reason and logic behind every emotion we feel. There is also a way out of that screaming crowd. Last time this happened to me, two days ago, I distracted myself without planning it. I had to look for a flashlight. And even though i really wanted to climb into bed, cry, and forget how to breath, I also wanted to find that flash light. So I had to move and think, and remember when I used it last, etc. And you know what, when my thoughts circled back to that comment 10 minutes later, it didn't feel that bad, and an hour later I really couldn't care less. 

Next time you feel that shot gun pointed at your chest in the screaming crowd of negativity, maybe you can try searching for your flashlight, or whatever else you can think of but you must be moving and thinking intensively about something totally different that what someone just said. 

Good luck (I know you'll need it)