It takes years of searching, doctors appointments, multiple therapist, near death experiences and sometimes even tragedies to diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder. For years I felt there was something wrong with me.
Why am I absolutely brilliant one minute then a complete disaster the next?
Why am I able to deal with everything and everyone one minute but explode over a minor detail the next?
Why can't I make up my mind and follow through on what I choose?
Why?
Questions like these floated around my mind for years. I saw three therapists, none could even diagnose depression, or help me to deal with these, often sudden, mood fluctuations.
One Summer Sunday, my flat mate upset me to the point of sheer boiling oblivion by asking me to clean up the bread crumbs which I left by the toaster. (Oblivion and anger which I held inside). But at that moment I couldn't tell her "Really, you gonna pick on bread crumbs when your dog shits and pisses everyday all over the flat? But fine, I'll remember about the bread crumbs" I just couldn't speak. I felt like the littlest person in the world. I felt like I wanted to die!
I went to my room and typed in "ultra-sensitive people" into Google. I knew she was right to point out my omission, maybe she could have done it nicer, but still it shouldn't be a big deal. And this wasn't the first time something so minor sent me over the edge.
So there I was searching for answers on Dr. Internet. Ultra-sensitivity brought me to personality disorders, which then brought me Borderline Personality Disorder. I heard the term before mainly in the book "Girl, Interrupted" but that's another story. I read the symptoms, diagnosis, treatment and began to cry...
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